I fucking hate life, no don’t worry I’m not planning on writing up my will and ending it all yet but I do really hate it. Nothing overly awful ever happens to me a lot but absolutely nothing great either. I’m a floater, the universe forgot about me, I don’t get dished any cards(I sound like such an attention seeker). Boo hoo the worlds against me, no I’m against me. I don’t allow myself to be happy but then again everyone fucks you over anyway so I may aswell be the first to do it for them. I tell myself every day I say I need to sort myself out, do something productive be happy but it never happens. I cleaned up for the first time properly in like a year and for some weird reason it made me feel lonely as fuck, everything was done, complete, right what now? Hmmmm sleep for 20 hours. No friends no relationship, I’m not usually bothered by that but lately I feel abit lonely. I don’t know what to do with myself really nothing seems to make me feel anything, I haven’t laughed in years, a real laugh than makes you want to hold your stomach in genuine pain and roll on the floor in some sort of sezioured state, I miss that. I miss me to be honest.
Im fascinated by morals, personalities&personality disorders, social norms, psychopathy and narcissism.
Like many people I don’t have a large group of friends, out of choice of my own and for their well being (I’ll get into that another time). at the moment I have two friends, one I see maybe once every two months and another I see fairly regularly on social occasions. I’m a person that tends to think a lot, mostly about nothing, spending most of my time imagining situations I’ll never be in or having conversations with myself. I think a lot and I know there’s many people that are the same as me, that might enjoy relating to some of the things I’m hoping to post on here. I can’t lie not all of it will make sense and there may be some deep shit I talk about but who doesn’t love to read about problems of others? I do. I’ll mainly focus around the topic that interests me the most, mental illness and how this relates to my life.