Blogging my thoughts

Im fascinated by morals, personalities&personality disorders, social norms, psychopathy and narcissism.

Like many people I don’t have a large group of friends, out of choice of my own and for their well being (I’ll get into that another time). at the moment I have two friends, one I see maybe once every two months and another I see fairly regularly on social occasions. I’m a person that tends to think a lot, mostly about nothing, spending most of my time imagining situations I’ll never be in or having conversations with myself. I think a lot and I know there’s many people that are the same as me, that might enjoy relating to some of the things I’m hoping to post on here. I can’t lie not all of it will make sense and there may be some deep shit I talk about but who doesn’t love to read about problems of others? I do. I’ll mainly focus around the topic that interests me the most, mental illness and how this relates to my life. 

Stuck is what I am.

It’s the early hours of the morning when you’re really awake, when your in your own thoughts enough to understand clarity but not quite grasp it. You’ve made your coffee and you’re sat wondering about life, it’s existence and what you mean to it all (probably nothing if I’m being realistic). When you see all the things you’ve bought that made you happy for that split second but now mean nothing to you, you don’t regret the things you have or how much they cost but you just realise they have no real value to your self worth,  whether that be emotionally or sprirtually. How can I talk I don’t know what anything means to me or if anything should mean anything to anyone for that matter, what do I like? What are my aspirations and goals in life? I used to be so grounded-I believed anyone that quoted metaphors about life were just talking and not really thinking but I literally am just floating through life, I don’t mind it but I don’t love it either. Alarm clocks going off at 6.59am for members of my household but I don’t have one, I have nowhere to be. I used to know what I cared about I used to love dancing, researching, reading, vintage shopping…I used to laugh, not as much anymore, haven’t quite decided whether that’s me or whether I just don’t know any funny people anymore. I’m always waiting for nothing-whether it be waiting to go to work, to get paid, to see friends I’m constantly on pause and I have no idea when this started. What will I do tomorrow and do I really care about it if not what do I care about, or whome do I care about *note to self think less*. I’d rather be sad than stuck, stuck is what I am.